Relationships work or don’t work for a lot of reasons. Sometimes two people just aren’t compatible. Sometimes two people are at different points in their life. Sometimes someone in the relationship makes a mistake or isn’t doing things in a way that helps to drive the success of the relationship.
Regardless of the reason, there’s always an opportunity for you to learn something from your past relationship. If the reason it didn’t work was compatibility or being at different points of your lives, you can learn how to pick a more suitable partner. If it’s because of something they did or you did wrong, you can learn how to be a better partner in the future.
Today, we want to look at a few strategies for reflecting on your last relationship from a Biblical and faith-based point of view.
“Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 22:37-38
There are a lot of places to start with reflection on why your last relationship didn’t work. However, the right place to start is looking to see where God fell on your priority list. If you were truly seeking Him first through your relationship, then awesome!
But if you really take the time to be honest and see that maybe there were times you weren’t doing that (or possibly not at all), it can be a great learning moment and opportunity. Maybe you put your significant other above God on the proverbial totem pole? Maybe this person wasn’t supportive of the depths of your relationship with God? Maybe temptation found ways into your relationship, even though you meant well?
Spend the bulk of your reflection time here. If you identify areas you can improve, work on developing strategies to do better next time. Progress over perfection. For example, if you found that you got too physically intimate with your last partner, maybe consider setting boundaries for your next relationship to prevent situations where you can slip.
Continuing on with this God-first lens, make a list of the things you liked about the relationship and the things you didn’t. For everything on the like side, identify any that might not be God-honoring. For example, maybe you loved the support your partner gave you, but you were using it to replace God. If that’s the case, don’t be upset at yourself—these things happen. But pray and find strategies to ensure you approach your next relationship ready to do better.
And for the don’t likes, give them the same look. If there were things that were within your control to change and the change would be God-honoring, reflect and develop a plan!
Be aware that there may be things you didn’t like, but they were still positives. For example, if you didn’t like that your partner was always prioritizing God over you, that might be something in your life you need to work on changing. As a quick aside if this example rings true for you that prioritizing God vs prioritizing time at church are two different things.
Ultimately, the secret to learning about your last relationship is being honest with yourself. If you let your ego get in the way, no real change will happen and you may be doomed to repeat your same mistakes.
📝 Here’s Some Reflection Questions:
- Where was God on the totem pole of priority in your last relationship? Answer separately for your relationship with Him and for your time/commitments at church.
- What are three things you can learn from your last relationship that you can change?
- What are three things from your last relationship that you want to keep the same or reinforce?
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