Well…this is awkward. Unfortunately, topics like physical intimacy are often avoided in faith circles because they can feel uncomfortable to talk about. However, the weight of the implications to your spiritual health and future relationships is enough that we want to address the elephant in the room.
So, let’s all take a deep breath, realize we’re adults, and talk about physical intimacy when dating.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18
Paul could not be much clearer when he talks about sexual immorality. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that has made anything and everything about sex and physical intimacy. If the world had its way, we’d be led to believe that all relationships hinge on your physical intimacy and what happens behind closed doors.
Thankfully, as Jesus followers—we don’t have to follow the ways of the world that can lead us to emotional and spiritual ruin.
So, what does this all mean for singles? Let’s get into it.
First, we need to be very clear about something. Intimacy is not just physical intimacy. There is emotional intimacy as well as spiritual intimacy. As Christians, we’re spiritually intimate with God through the Holy Spirit (1Corinthians 3:16). We can be emotionally intimate with romantic partners, but also with our friends. A great example in the Bible is the story of Jonathan and King David (2 Samuel 1:26).
The reason this is so important is that you can build a deep relationship with a romantic interest while still protecting your sexual purity for marriage. If anyone tries to steer you differently, don’t just run—flee, as Paul says!
Second, you need to be clear about what is and what is not okay. While we don’t have enough time to go deep into this today, the Bible is quite clear that sexual relations are not bad (not at all!), but they’re designed to be enjoyed in the confines of marriage. Matthew 1:18-19 celebrates the chastity of Mary and Joseph. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
So, what do you do with this? How do you protect your heart and keep yourself from going astray with a new love interest? Here are a few tips that can help.
- Set boundaries! Discuss these with your partner. Be clear about why you’re setting these boundaries and ensure you’re both ready to hold each other accountable. Any shakiness here is a recipe for danger.
- Avoid putting yourself in situations where you can be tempted. For example, time alone with just the two of you in the bedroom should be a no-no. Even if you’re just talking and have no intentions of things escalating, you’re playing with fire.
- Find friends and ministry leaders to help hold you accountable. We aren’t meant to do life alone, so build the support system you need. There is nothing wrong with your desires. Let’s work together to help you resist them turning into action.
- Pray. The single best thing you can always do is pray for God to help you.
- Limit physical intimacy before marriage to just kissing. It may seem easy to rationalize that “a little more” is okay. However, it goes against God’s plan for you, and it’s a slippery slope to going further.
📝 Here’s Some Reflection Questions:
- What real-world boundaries can I put in place to ensure temptation doesn’t get the best of us with physical intimacy?
- Do I respect my partner enough to be strong on this issue? Does my partner respect me enough to be strong on this issue? If either of these is not a firm no, consider reevaluating the relationship.
- What are some daily practices I can employ to make sure I don’t get complacent on the issue of physical intimacy before marriage?
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