If you’ve been with us for a while, you know we’ve talked extensively about dating checklists for what you want in a match. To sum up our position, we think that checklists built around Godly traits that the Bible tells us are important are great! We also think that checklists built around worldly wants can lead you to miss out on great potential matches.
Today, we want to zero in on three traits that find themselves on people’s checklists often. Two of these traits may be dangerous traps, and one should be at the top of the list.
Let’s start with a powerful verse from Proverbs.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30
The chances are high that you already know which two traits are on the “bad” list and which is on the celebrated list. But before you tune out for the day, we want to encourage you to stick around because there are some nuances of each that are not as cut and dry as you might think.
Let’s start with the two traits we’re warned about in the verse—charm and beauty.
Does this mean you should avoid anyone who is charming and attractive? Absolutely not! There is nothing inherently wrong with being charming or good looking. There is also nothing wrong with being attracted to people who are charming and good looking.
The problem comes when these are the traits that drive your relationship decisions. The verse tells us that charm can be deceptive. Have you ever met someone who is a smooth talker who always seemed to say the right thing until they turned out to be full of it? Sadly, it happens a lot, and that is what the writer of Proverbs 31 (Solomon or Lemuel) is trying to warn us of.
Just because someone is charming does not mean they are bad news bears, but it also doesn’t automatically mean they’re good because they say the right things.
For beauty, the writer warns us that it’s fleeting. And frankly, if we stop and think, we all probably know this already. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a temptation to let beauty take the top spot on your match checklist. The problem, though, is what happens when the beauty eventually fades? If that is what drew the two of you together and is the foundation for your attraction and relationship, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Thankfully, the verse gives us an example of a trait that should be at the top of our list—someone who fears the Lord. While you can still weigh looks and charm into your equation for finding a match, make sure Godly traits are held in a much higher regard. When you’re old and gray and can’t come up with the witty lines as much, if you’ve built your attraction, connection, and emotional intimacy on a faith-focused foundation—you have nothing to worry about.
📝 Here’s Some Reflection Questions:
- What traits are at the top of your list of wants and needs in a partner?
- Are there any traits that need to be added, removed, or shuffled around to better set you up for long-term relationship success?
- Have you dated anyone in the past based on some of these characteristics? How did it work out, and what can you learn from those relationships?
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