Checklists are an effective tool in so many areas of life. Pilots use them to make sure airplane travel is safe. Chefs use them to make sure they don’t forget key ingredients in their signature dishes. You may very well use a checklist when packing for a trip to make sure you didn’t forget anything.
But should you have a checklist when it comes to the traits and qualities you’re looking for in a romantic partner? While the Bible verses below may seem like spoilers, there are quite a few nuances to this question that need to be looked at.
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life…” – Proverbs 31:10-12
(This is just an excerpt. We’d encourage you to read all of Proverbs 31.)
“An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.” – Titus 1:6-9
Spend any amount of time reading relationship advice and you’ll find people that saying having a checklist is a terrible idea that eliminates quality partners, and you’ll find people saying that a checklist is a must-have to find what you want.
Here’s the truth. They’re both right in their own way. There is nothing wrong with having a checklist when it comes to what you’re looking for, but the contents of that checklist are where things get interesting.
As a single Christian, there should be non-negotiable deal breakers that are absolutely on your checklist. 2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. That, in itself, should be the first item on our relationship checklist—that they are a believer.
Beyond that, though, the verses we shared talk about the traits of a great wife or husband. And since the goal of intentional Christian dating is to find a spouse, it would make total sense to have these qualities on your checklist.
And lastly, finding someone whose lifestyle choices match your belief system is certainly important. For example, if you’re someone who likes to go to church every Sunday, a relationship with someone who never goes to church is going to be a challenge. This is just one example, but some reflection on what’s important to you matters.
But what about things that shouldn’t be on a checklist for a new partner? Well, think about things that might unfairly rule out someone that could be a great match for you. For example, if you say you only want to date someone who has blonde hair, that might be something unhealthy to have on the list. Or if you say you’ll only date someone that makes a certain amount of money, that could also be an issue. Yes, it may be okay to look for someone who has financial independence, but if that becomes a high-level dollar amount—it can become an issue.
Ultimately, the bottom line is it’s totally okay to ensure that you’re not settling for someone who doesn’t have the traits and values you want in a Godly partner. Just make sure that you’re not mixing up your needs and your wants and disqualifying someone who could be a great match for the wrong reasons.
📝 Here’s Some Reflection Questions:
- What are your relationship deal breakers? Is each one of these in line with what the Bible says about a great partner?
- Are there things on your checklist that you could remove or parameters you could widen without sacrificing what’s most important to you?
- Are there any traits from the Bible verses we referenced that you could focus on working on to make yourself a better candidate for a Godly relationship?
Are you a single Christian looking to meet someone special? You can sign up for the Higher Bond App for free now! Click here to learn more or download the app below:
