One of the most overlooked and forgotten skills in relationships is listening. Most advice articles are all about what you should say or how you should react to someone. And while you do need to focus on saying the right things, most of these articles neglect the most important part of a conversation—listening.
When you’re getting to know new romantic interests, listening can do so much for you. Today, we want to spend a few minutes reflecting on what the scriptures say about listening and how you can apply this skill to your relationship journey.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” – James 1:19
As James says, we should always be quick to listen and slow to speak. While this verse can be applied to virtually every relationship in our lives, it carries a lot of weight when you’re getting to know a new love interest.
First, you’re never going to get to know someone if you’re always doing all of the talking. It’s important when getting to know someone that you…well…actually get to know them! When you ask them questions about their faith, their life, their beliefs, and their morals—actually listen to their answers. Too often, it can be tempting to just hear what we want to hear and not actually hear their answer.
By doing this successfully, it can help you quickly identify people who aren’t a good match and also find people that are worth continuing to talk to.
Second, getting to know someone new and even first dates can be awkward (and that’s okay). You’re talking with someone you’ve never met before. Emotions are running high. When these conversations or meetings happen, the chances of a misunderstanding are always going to be elevated. If you’re too quick to get angry or jump on something you hear (or think you hear) without actually listening, you run the risk of souring what could be a great relationship.
Be patient with people. If they say something that you don’t agree with, ask them to clarify to make sure you’re hearing it correctly. We’ve seen too many relationships or dates end because one person thought the other person meant something in a totally different way than they actually did.
📝 Here’s Some Reflection Questions:
- How well am I actually listening when talking to a new match or on a first date?
- Does my nervousness ever make it harder for me to listen? Am I more concerned with figuring out what I’m going to say next than listening to their answer?
- Are there any situations in the past where listening helped me see something more clearly? Are there any situations where I could have listened better?
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