Staying optimistic while dating

Higher Bond Forum Christian Dating Advice Staying optimistic while dating

  • This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by jjkolbemyemail@gmail.com.
Viewing 7 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #4078
      daisy36
      Member

        Greetings, this is a bit of an oddball question but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

        In a dating scene that’s chaotic and confusing, how would one stay optimistic and what faith based tips would you suggest? I’m new to all of this and want to get some perspective from other Christians on how to deal with doubt and confusion in dating. I pray on this topic often and thought perhaps someone here might offer an idea or two. Have a blessed evening!

      • #4093
        Colin127
        Member

          Not sure if I’m the best person for this, but I’ll give it a shot. While I, myself, can’t really be the most optimistic person, I will say that drawing closer to God, embracing the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude, reading his Word, and taking time to meditate and hear Him in the day to day is incredibly grounding when I feel pessimistic.
          I have my doubts, I have been confused, but when you lift up your concerns to a loving and caring Father who loves you just for being you, I rest in that and that’s good enough for me. A lot of the devotional stories have mentioned that don’t look for someone just because you are lonely or they will “complete” you. You are already fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s an unfortunate situation that because God knows what good we need when we need it, instead of us just driving for it on our own, we kind of just have to be patient and keep praying.

        • #4094
          David J.
          Member

            This is a pertinent question for me because I have my hopeful days and despairing moments as well. Thankfully, I can say God is faithful and puts encouragement in my path — inspiration from a friend, a relevant sermon, even something simple like an amazing double rainbow over a river — when I need it most.

            I am most hopeful when I am actually proactive in my search, not just waiting for something to happen. For example, I try to keep an eye out for Christian events near me (like prayer meetings, worship gatherings, Christian seminars, etc) and attend where I can. I also just arranged a meeting with my pastor and asked him to be praying and to help counsel me. I am subscribed to Higher Bond (obligatory promo!) and initiate conversations when I am out in public. Even when nothing feels to be happening, just being active and intentional keeps me motivated.

            Finally, know that God promises to give us the desires of our heart if we delight in Him (Psalm 37:4). No, this does not mean that marriage is absolutely in God’s plan for any of us, but it does mean He is working in our hearts to transform our desires and give us lasting joy, joy that comes from fellowship with Him. Our God is not a God of second-best. Whatever His plan is, it is for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).

          • #4095
            daisy36
            Member

              Thank you for the responses!

              On some of the specific points made (loneliness, patience, etc) what would be some ways to deal with those? For example, if one is unable to attend meet ups or has struggled with meeting the right people for years. I believe that if one’s personal desires/wants are not aligned with God’s path (i.e, you really want that white picket fence) then that man/woman should forgo those desires and follow Gods plan. That being said, are some folks just meant to be alone? (I dont mean to sound like a downer, but these are things I feel like many people wonder about.) All part of trying to stay optimistic.

              • #4102
                David J.
                Member

                  I am an introvert by nature and usually enjoy time alone, so I probably handle loneliness differently than others. Having said that, there’s a difference between being alone and feeling alone. As a guy, I was surprised to find how much I needed to build a strong community with other guys my own age to give me a sense of companionship, purpose, and accountability. Having an older, trusted confident to share with and seek counsel from has also been a huge blessing. It’s also interesting how God has used my times of loneliness to increase my sensitivity to other lonely people at church, work, etc. Now I seek them out and try to engage them in conversation, knowing how much a kind word and genuine interest can mean.

                  I wish I had a better answer about patience, and finding discernment/peace regarding God’s will for me and marriage. The funny thing about patience is, by definition, you can’t shortcut it or take the fast-track! For me, I keep coming back to the fact that when I don’t know or understand God’s will, I rest in what I do know. I know God is my Heavenly Father who delights in His children, desires for me to have joyful, abundant life, and deserves my trust and obedience. For now, that means faithfully working “in the trenches” and seeking opportunities to serve, wherever He leads.

              • #4096
                Colin127
                Member

                  Loneliness? Pslam 23, the entire chapter is solid Scripture. My favorite one on the topic is Deuteronomy 31:8. Don’t be discouraged. Have faith.

                  Patience? Sort of going back to the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude, you have to know and be okay that you are on God’s path, you’re in His hands. Jeremiah 29:11 after all. Take it day by day, hour by hour and moment by moment. Your significant other will show up when God reveals it in His good and loving time.

                  Unable to attend meet ups? Church is always a solid start to attempt conversation and you can slowly make your way from there. A trusted Pastor might be able to help assist you in that area. Lord knows mine does, I can’t get him to stop.

                  Struggling with finding the right people? Now that, you got me. Even through the events and such, I continued that struggle. I think that it’s the bar I set and I straight up refuse to lower it for that reason, because the lower it goes, the more wrongful stuff creeps in. I’d rather be alone and in God’s hands than together with someone and not listen to the Lord.

                  Yeah, stick to the plan always. Conventional wisdom right there. Our plan changes all the time, but His never does. Stay true to that.

                  Are some folks meant to be alone? Biblically, no. Adam needed Eve in Genesis 2. Even Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, while encouraging singleness, understands the importance of what was said in Genesis 2. Now me personally? I think so. But you’re never alone or lonely, the Lord is always with you and will keep you. I don’t need a wife to feel whole or complete, I am through Christ Jesus who saves us. Can it happen? Of course. Could it happen? Absolutely. I don’t know if she’s coming to me or not, but I have the faith that God will help me every step of the way regardless. And I rest in that.

                • #4109
                  Noelle
                  Member

                    Fill your life with drawing close to Christ, good activities/hobbies/goals, good friends, and grieve with the Lord whenever the pain and discouragement comes up. If we build a thriving life in Christ as a single it’s much easier to grieve through the daily pain of being single while rejoicing in what we do have. Grieving the loss of marriage/family without going into bitterness or wallowing in grief is a really big part of stabilizing emotionally and resting in Christ’s love. Having true friends and Christian community (which is really hard work to find and build but worth it!) combats loneliness at the core and brings balance to the grief.

                  • #4112
                    daisy36
                    Member

                      All great advice! I have been doing what was suggested and it has made things better. I will admit however, that I’m very discouraged and losing motivation to find a godly husband. Without going into too much detail, I’m feeling like it’s not worth going forward. While I am new to online dating, I’ve had 2 major losses in recent years that have me feeling unworthy of a husband/family.

                      That being said, I want to say thank you all again for the input! I will continue to pray and draw closer to Him and live His word. God bless!

                    • #4114
                      jjkolbemyemail@gmail.com
                      Member

                        Although I did join higher bond, I believe that when the time is right and it is Gods plan he will provide the right mate for a person, whether they are actively searching for a mate or hasn’t left their home for years. If it is Gods plan it will happen regardless of you, so until then live your best life, enjoy, laugh, and have fun.

                    Viewing 7 reply threads
                    • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
                    Log In | Register | Lost Password?

                    Report a Concern? | Forum Rules