What does your church do well with singles and where could they improve?

Higher Bond Forum Christian Dating Advice What does your church do well with singles and where could they improve?

  • This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks ago by Helen L.
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    • #4061
      Higher Bond Founder

        Hey everyone! I think this could be a fruitful discussion. As always, remember not to name people or churches by name as we’re not trying to “call anyone out” for things they may be doing right or wrong.

        That said, three questions:

        1. Does your church do anything in particular for singles?
        2. If so, what do they do that you like and don’t like (where they can improve)?
        3. If not, what do you wish they would offer for you and other singles?

      • #4071

          1. No, they don’t. They have events for age groups so I can only imagine that, without singling out the singles, you sort of just mingle in the crowds. Or not if you are not a part of a crowd (insert sports guys as an example).
          2. Even though it’s a no, it’s a kind of no. I appreciate the Community that we all share, it’s nice to have dedicated time to spend with like minded Christians. We do studies and read into the word that applies more toward our age group, like the spiritual disciplines (silence and solitude to name a few).
          That being said, it is an every other week basis so unless you got plugged into a small group (of which there is 2, each at 20+, which not a fan of “big” small groups) you’re not really forming close knit relationships with your age group. Everyone has their cliques and niches, so it’s difficult to find the right combination.
          3. Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not sure there is a good solution to that, at least that I have heard of. Just gathering a whole bunch of singles in one group doesn’t sound like a good idea because of the pressure.

        • #4074

            One thing I appreciate about my church is what they DON’T do for singles. They don’t segregate us and treat us as the “other” because we’re unmarried. Our small group ministry incorporates people of all ages and stages into each group, so we have the opportunity to glean wisdom from the seasoned saints while appreciating the vim and vigor of the younger crowd.

            Unfortunately, there are not many singles in my age group (35-45), though my church has a healthy 250-300 membership.

            One of our elders recently attended a local meeting of area pastors and pitched the idea of collaborating with them to introduce the singles in their respective churches. 11 out of the 13 pastors said they had more 30+ year old women than men in their congregations and all of the pastors voiced an interest in collaborating.

            The next step has yet to be determined, but I am so thankful these church leaders have a heart and interest in their singles!

          • #4075
            David J.

              Our church is a small church plant founded about 12 years ago with an attendance of about 120 in a semi-rural area. We don’t have an explicitly singles group, but we do have a young adults group that is almost-entirely single. I agree wholeheartedly with Darcy that one of the most important things my church does is treat singles with the same respect as they would married couples and young families. Because of the size of our church and the rural nature of our area, I think we could benefit from a multi-church singles group (or at least offer events for singles, like a hike or cook-out or putt-putt outing).

              I might be in the minority here, but I would actually welcome more “match-making” from mature, respected members of the church. I think many of them may be willing to help orchestrate meetings between us singles, but they may be hesitant to initiate because they don’t want to offend/pressure us or they worry about the repercussions if the relationship doesn’t work out. The (very few) times I have been approached by a potential match-maker with a suggestion, I have always been appreciative. The fact that I have brothers or sisters in Christ thinking and praying for me, and helping “carry my burdens” as I walk through this season, is a great comfort.

              • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by David J..
              • #4077

                  You’re right, David, matchmaking is a lost art and should be more commonplace in the local church. I have been very open with folks in my church about wishing to be married and letting them know that I am open to setups. I have been set up with quite a few men over the years and though none of them were a great fit, I still appreciated my friends, family, and acquaintances being willing to make introductions and I always had an enjoyable time meeting someone new!

              • #4098
                Helen L

                  1. Does your church do anything in particular for singles?
                  ❣️ Nothing separate for singles, however as a widow I have attended a couple/ marriage event this past February. They had a beautiful dinner, and then a panel of married couples from 25 year olds to seventy 75 year olds. Married 5 years to 55 years. Topics were Very Real including unfaithfulness, pornography, health, finances, husbands as the Spiritual Leaders and the Biblical roles for the wives. It was wonderful. Being married for over 46 years of my life, yet having only met Jesus 4 years ago was a true eye opener. Although I have my own secret desires my Heavenly Father knows, I am equally committed to assisting non believers to understand relationships/ marriage from a biblical stand point over my own desires.
                  3. If not, what do you wish they would offer for you and other singles?
                  ❣️ I also agree with above reply. Do not be silent about your desires for a relationship with a godly person. Seek a few people who will stand in agreement to pray for you. Ask others to hold you accountable and accept their outward observations so you are mindful not to move ahead of Father God. His timing is always perfect.

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