Should the man or the woman ask out first?

Higher Bond Forum General Christianity Discussion Should the man or the woman ask out first?

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    • #3991

        Should a woman wait for a man to ask her out first or is it ok for a woman to ask the man first?

      • #3993

          I don’t think there’s a right way or wrong way? I hold pretty close to traditional values and would prefer the man to take the lead. However… I also think that can be a lot of pressure and if two people have been in communication long enough… It’s OK for a female to be vulnerable. I just don’t think that’s for me. 🙂

        • #3994
          David J.

            Great question @mgold65. My thoughts are similar to what @GOMSU32 said. As a guy, it is important for me to assume the initiative and take the lead, and I like to establish that early. I think this is actually a Biblical principle. In marriage, men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (see Ephesians 5). This behavior manifests in many ways, but one way for a man to show this (especially in dating) is by taking the risks, making the sacrifices, etc on behalf of the woman he is interested in.

            Would I be offended if a girl asked me out? No, and I might even be relieved (certainly flattered). But I would feel like I missed an opportunity to take the lead early. From a guy’s perspective, I think one of the best things a girl can do to get a guy interested is intentionally starting friendly conversations with him (this is really great if you single him out in a crowd), giving him a genuine compliment, showing interest in something he is passionate about, etc. Any single guy with good sense would love that type of interaction! Sometimes we just need a gentle “nudge” to know the lady is interested and open.

            • #3995
              David J.

                By the way, in the context of dating apps, I think the “Show Interest” feature is a great low-risk way to let someone know that they caught your eye. And if you want to take the next step, just start a friendly conversation. No need to overthink! Just treat it as the online equivalent of walking up to someone, saying hi, and seeing where things go.

            • #3997

                It was refreshing and appreciated to hear from a males perspective on this matter along with biblical knowledge. Thank you!

              • #4058
                Higher Bond Founder

                  This is such a great question. I actually get emails a lot from women who want to know the same thing.

                  My response is always to share a personal story. What a lot of people may not know is that my wife and I met through an online dating app. And…she messaged me first. It was on an app that I made a profile on and never really planned to visit again, so had she not done that…I don’t know if we would have met (or at least not at that point). I am forever grateful that she took the lead or we may never have met and Higher Bond may never have happened as well 🙂

                  Is it more ideal that the guy send the first message? I think for a lot of people, yes. However, I don’t think there is anything wrong with the woman taking the lead on the first message. Remember, we’re just talking about the first message here, not the entire relationship.

                  • #4110

                      Totally agree with this!

                      Ideally, guy asks first – and in real life that usually is best. Online if a guy isn’t contacting gals first he’s going to miss out on a ton of nice girls who won’t or think they can’t reach out first. It goes against classic male/female roles to do that, so if you want a traditional gal, you probably shouldn’t wait for her to notice and like your profile.

                      That said, I have learned and really do think it’s a good idea for a woman to let a guy know if she REALLY likes him. Drop the hanky, if you will. And then let him do whatever he wants. No bugging him. I know of several great marriages that started because a gal wrote a man a letter. Online, it’s even more important to like a guy’s profile/view or message him if you are interested. Otherwise he may never see your profile.

                  • #4113

                      I find when a man is interested or intrigued by a woman he will pursue. If he isn’t pursuing after a female has made it known that she is interested in him, then he is probably not interested or doesn’t feel God is leading him in that direction.

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