Let’s say we bake you a cake. Yay, right? And you try this cake, and it does not taste great at all. Like it’s really bad. Let’s compare three possible responses you might have. One— “Eww! This cake is disgusting. Two— “Thank you, but this cake isn’t for me.” Three— “Oh, this cake is amazing!”
Each of these responses is going to have a wildly different effect on how we feel after spending all that time making you a cake. Today, we want to continue diving into this analogy and see the lessons we can learn when it comes to letting someone know you’re not interested in them.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” – John 13:34
First, it is 100% okay for you not to like our cake or to not be interested in someone who reaches out to you. Period. You should never feel bad for knowing what you want in a romantic partner. That being said, there are different ways you can convey that information that are a bit more God-honoring and Christ-like.
Let’s look at our answers starting with the last one. If you told us the cake was amazing, it just sets us up for heartache down the road, not to mention it’s not the truth. While we might not like to hear you weren’t a fan of our cake, it’s the right thing to do.
The same goes for relationships. If you start telling people you’re interested when you’re really not, you’re just setting them up for heartache.
Does this mean you need to bluntly tell them, “Eww! I’m not into you.” Of course not. Jesus tells us to love one another the same way that he has loved us. If you deliver what will most certainly be received as bad news in a harsh way with no regard for their feelings, does that really exemplify what Jesus is talking about in John 13:34? Probably not.
With options one and three from our cake example out, that leaves just option two. In our cake example, you aren’t telling us that our cake is bad. You aren’t telling us that there is anything wrong with our cake. All you are telling us is that our cake isn’t a good fit for you.
When you share with someone you’re not interested in what your feelings are, this is the approach to take. You don’t need to be rude or tell them what’s wrong with them that you’re not into. Something as simple as, “Thanks for reaching out. I don’t think we’d be a good fit. Good luck!” is all you need to say. It shows that you appreciate them being vulnerable with you, but it’s clear you’re not a good fit.
It shares less-than-enjoyable news in a way that is still packed with love.
Now, a few quick notes to go with that:
- How the person chooses to react to that is not up to you. They may get upset, or they may say thank you and move on. Regardless, you did your part in a loving manner.
- You don’t owe them an explanation beyond that. In fact, we don’t really advise it because it just draws out the inevitable and may give them false hope.
- If a person ever responds with anger or is rude, you can always report that to our support channels as that’s behavior we don’t tolerate here at Higher Bond.
📝 Here’s Some Reflection Questions:
- Do you get uncomfortable when you have to let someone know you’re not interested?
- Are there ways to share the news you can come up with beforehand to make it easier in the moment?
- How would you like to be told that someone isn’t interested in you?
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